The Worst Practical Joke Anyone has Accidentally Played on Me

My first ultrasound was scheduled for October 21. When I called to schedule it, I was given strict orders that on the day of my appointment I needed to drink 48 ounces of water between 11:30 am and noon without emptying my bladder until after my appointment which didn't start until 1:00 pm. This may not sound like a big deal until you actually try it for yourself, especially if you have a small bladder like me. I knew I was in for an interesting experience, but I had no idea just how memorable it would be.

As excited as I was for the first glimpse of our baby, I was a nervous wreck because of the impending water challenge. I used the bathroom at least six times at work that morning (Jessica, who sat at the front desk and didn't know I was pregnant, probably thought I was crazy). I think I even went twice between 11:20 and 11:29. At exactly 11:30, I started on my first of three 16 oz. glasses of water. Before I knew it, it was already 11:45 and I still had two more glasses to go. Crap! I downed the second glass in about five minutes. I then realized that I already had to go to the bathroom. Too bad for me. I finished my third and final glass right at noon. I was so water-logged that I thought I was going to throw up. Luckily I had listened to my student-doctor husband who told me to eat a few saltine crackers along the way. I think it saved me from actually getting sick. To make things worse, the water I had been drinking was from a water cooler and was very, very cold. I don't know if it was the nerves or the 48 ounces of cold water I had just consumed, but I was suddenly shivering so uncontrollably that I couldn't type or concentrate on anything but my shivering and the fact that I somehow had to make it another hour and a half without emptying my bladder. Luckily, our office was quiet during the next 30 minutes and no one was around to see me act like such a weirdo.



Notice that I'm not smiling...I'm wincing!



At 12:30 Jonathan arrived at my office to pick me up and take me to my appointment. Thank goodness that was the plan, because there was no way I would've been able to drive myself.  At that point, I was already about to burst. I slowly maneuvered my way into the truck and told Jonathan he needed to drive as fast as possible because I wasn't sure I was going to make it! Throughout the 20 minutes it took us to get to the ultrasound clinic, I was on the verge of tears and spouting crazy talk because I was in so much pain from my full bladder. It was official: I had never had to pee so badly in my entire life. Jonathan was not driving fast enough and it was making me mad, so I turned to him and screamed, "Jonathan! You need to be going at least 10 miles over the speed limit at all times!!!" He calmly replied, "No, I need to keep you and our baby safe. And don't yell at me, you crazy pregnant lady!" At the next stop light, he took my picture in hopes of capturing my fragile state of being. We finally arrived at the clinic (five minutes LATE because we couldn't find the damn place) and I started yelling at Jonathan to drive faster through the parking lot. He yelled back that it's a parking lot and you can't drive fast. He dropped me off at the door and I awkwardly made my way into the clinic, speed-walking in a hunched position so as not to disturb the bladder.

I rushed up to the front desk and told the office ladies that my bladder was going to explode and I couldn't wait another minute. One of the ladies shook her head and said, "We've all been there, honey. Now, fill out your paperwork. It'll take your mind off of it." I couldn't believe it! I was in serious pain. My pelvis, my abdomen, my back...I swear I could actually feel my kidneys aching. This was the worst pain I had ever felt (I know...it's probably nothing compared to what I'm going to experience in a few months). Jonathan walked in and saw me scribbling all over my paperwork. He sat down next to me and started laughing at the fact that they made me fill out paperwork at a time like that! Then I started laughing. Then I stopped because laughing was not a smart thing to do at that point. I finished the paperwork and asked the ladies if I was going to have to wait much longer because I didn't know if I could. One of them said she didn't know but that I could empty my bladder just a little tiny bit in the meantime. Now she tells me! Couldn't she have told me ten minutes earlier? I ran back to the bathroom and then suddenly realized how difficult - almost impossible - it was to stop once you started. I wouldn't recommend it...it's not fun. Back in the waiting room, I was in even more pain than before. Jonathan was all too amused by it all and took this video so I could look back and hopefully laugh at the situation one day (you may need to turn up your volume to hear it.)

After 20 minutes of waiting, I couldn't take it anymore. I asked Jonathan to go talk to the ladies and see what the hold-up was. The same lady from before said that she'd go check with the ultrasound tech and would be right back. A minute later, she was back and yelled over to me that I could go empty my bladder. I was shocked. "Wait, you mean all of it?" I said. "All of it," she replied. For a second, I was so happy and relieved at the sound of those words that I wanted to hug her. As I made my way to the bathroom, I turned and said, "Do you mean that I didn't need to do this at all?" "Nope." She explained that the scheduler accidentally scheduled me for the wrong type of ultrasound. Since it was still so early in my pregnancy, nothing would be detectable via an abdominal ultrasound and so we'd have to do it another way. I was suddenly so pissed (pun!). I couldn't believe this! As I was FINALLY able to empty my bladder completely (which took forever...think Tom Hanks in "A League of Their Own" ), I couldn't decide if I should laugh or cry or scream. I was momentarily mad at the scheduler for putting me through all that pain and discomfort and at the front desk ladies for their lack of sympathy, but I couldn't help but laugh at the utter ridiculousness of it all.

Jonathan and I were overcome with emotion and couldn't stop giggling to each other throughout the ultrasound. Up until that point, we weren't sure if we believed there was actually a baby in there. But it was really happening. We had proof. In the end, it was a wonderful experience. I didn't pee my pants and we got to see and hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. Cheers to pregnancy!